you got this, barista

My family The people who work at Jason’s Deli have taken to teasing me in a serious way about my french onion soup addiction. They all know my name (with the exception of the one guy who calls me FRO) and my order. The minute any one of them hears me come in they drop whatever they’re doing and run to the front to flirt with tease me. I’m ok with it, since I have a small crush on the bald guy there. Love me some baldies!

Today I ran to TJ Maxx at lunch to find a wastebasket for my bathroom and accidentally bought some Cary’s English Toffee in dark chocolate espresso flavor. Oh my freaking gawd. These are ridiculously good. I love toffee, but usually find it to be a little too hard for my liking. This stuff was PERFECT and I wish I hadn’t gotten it because I can’t stop eating it. Delicious.

I haven’t had brownies in ages, but I love them. I’m tired of all the damn Tuesday’s With Dorie posts I see on all the cooking blogs, which really only means that every damn person under the sun is baking the same damn thing all the time. Sorry, it annoys me. But right now the subject is these brownies and I just have to try them. I’ll let you know how they turn out. To me a perfect brownie is fudgy and barely cooked and rich and omg. Yeah.

And now that I’ve been talking about chocolate and other food stuffs it’s probably not a surprise that I’ve been sitting on the bootcamp website for the past 15 minutes, all my information filled in, class selected…and hesitant as a mofo to hit that submit button. It’s a little bit the $299 price tag. It’s a little bit the fear of the unknown. It’s a little bit the lack of faith in myself. But I also know that when I pay that much for something I won’t be able to not do it. Even if it’s at 545 am. Four days a week. Even if I will die the first few times.

Ok, I just talked myself into it. I’m officially signed up!

moving up the clueless ladder

I like to be good at everything I do. Not just good – great. But I don’t excel at everything. Sure I’m good at being clueless, but I’m not great at it. And so maybe I should hire The AA as a consultant. I think after reading the following exchange you will see why he is on his way to the top of the Clueless List.

The AA/C4: Hey Barista, how are you?
Me: Hey
C4: Mind if I sit down?
(didn’t wait for an answer, just sat, then reached down and picked up a piece of paper on the floor)
C4: It’s a mess in here.
Me: That’s my shredding pile.
In My head: Reminder to self – remove chair from cube so he stops sitting down.
C4: (laughing) Interesting. So how are you?
Me: Fine. How are you?
C4: Just living life, enjoying my freedom for the time being.
Me: Freedom is great. (looking around, pick up my phone, read a text)
C4: Yes, it is! So what have you been up to?
Me: You know, living life.
C4: How are the pups? (insert a bunch of stupid comments about my dogs)
Me: Uh-huh.
C4: How is the wii?
Me: Good.
C4: Can I come over and play sometime?
Me: [TOTAL BLANK STARE]
C4: What’s that look for?
Me: Is that a serious question?
C4: Yes, I want to come play. So can I?
Me: Umm.
C4: (laughing) Can I?
In my head: Can you seriously not figure out that I don’t want you around?!
Me: Umm.
C4: Is it that hard of a question? (laughing). So can I?
Me: I don’t know.
C4: Really? Wow, that’s interesting.
Me: Is it really?
C4: So we can’t hang out?
Me: [blank stare]
C4: My sister asked about you. She was wondering why you’re not around anymore.
Me: (shaking my head) I’m not going to do this right now.
C4: Oh yeah, I know. There’s nothing to talk about.
Me: Nope.
C4: I told her that I don’t know what I did, but we rarely talk anymore
Me: [blank stare]
C4: But we had fun while it lasted, you know. Well at least I did. And I thought you did. But I don’t know
Me: I’m not going to talk about this right now.
C4: Oh, I know! There’s nothing to talk about. But it was a good time
Me: [blank stare, bite my nail]
C4: at least it was a good time for me. I don’t know about you.
In My Head: If I jump out that window right now would he get that I really don’t want to talk about this?
C4: you know you could come upstairs and visit some time.
Me: Why would I? I never did before.
C4: Yes you did a few times.
Me: Only when I had a specific reason to be there.
C4: Well you can just come up to meet people and say hello.
Me: Uh huh. I’ll remember that.
C4: You have your coffee mug.
Me: Umm yeah I always have my coffee mug.
C4: Yeah, the one you made.
Me: [blank stare]
In my head: REALLLLLLY!?!?! You think I don’t remember that I made the ultra-cute mug with my name on it? The one I use for coffee every. single. day.!?!??!
C4: I have my Kenya bowl sitting up on the thing (this is the bowl I made him for his bday)
Me: Great.
C4: Yeah, Jackie said it was funny how so much of your stuff was in my place. And now you’re just gone. Well, your stuff is still there.
Me: What stuff?
C4: the ice cream you made me, the bowl
Me: Oh
In My Head: DUUUUUDE THAT’s NOT MY STUFF!
C4: Ok, well I was just coming to say hi.
Me: Ok.
C4: We’ll talk later.
Me: Bye.

KILL. ME. NOW.

I laughed out loud when Mr. D told me that maybe I should consider writing a blog called “She’s Not That Into You” for him. Oh, Mr. D. You are a wee bit funny.

And so, so right.

serious woodwork

If you’ve been reading for any amount of time (Will) you will already know that I have a fascination with woodwork. No, not whittling hillbillies of the Appalachian foothills, although I’d venture to say some of my dates in the past would qualify for that description, but I’m talking about real woodwork – the kind that comes out of nowhere and makes you scratch your head and say “Eh?”

Woodwork is one of those guys who sends who a random text after an extended period of no contact. Someone you haven’t thought about in ages. Someone you think must be semi-retarded to be contacting you after so long.

I have a few people I consider to be permanent woodwork – they show up on a semi-regular basis…just long enough to still consider them woodwork, but not often enough to prevent the head-scratching exercise you go through to try to guess why he’s back. Mr. D actually used to be permanent woodwork. Then there’s Cute Boy, Que, Island Guy…Consistent Woodwork.

Now, as I’ve said many a time, I rarely forget a name. I’m very good with names and I remember pretty much everyone. So when I got a facebook friend request this morning with the message “Hey Stranger” my brain went into overdrive trying to figure out who the hell this dude was. The name was familiar, but that’s it. I couldn’t figure out why. I looked at the few pictures I could access from my blackberry, but nothin.

I responded asking who he was because curiosity got the best of me. I had to know and hated that I couldn’t come up with it. By the time I’d gotten out of the shower Serious Woodwork had responded yup, I did in fact know him. 8 FUCKING YEARS AGO. EIGHT! and we hadn’t spoken since! Really!?

Here’s what I remember about this guy: his house, that he was doing laundry when I went there, that we met around Valentine’s Day – perhaps ON VD – in 2002, and driving home from his place in the middle of the night. That’s all. I don’t remember why we never talked after that. I don’t remember if he was cool or lame or just looking for a booty call. I remember nothing.

He told me that he remembered me so he searched for me on facebook and voila! Well aint that just creeptastic! My response was probably a little mean, but sometimes I can be like that. “Well it couldn’t have been very memorable for either of us considering it’s been 8 years since we talked.”

If nothing else Woodwork keeps things interesting. Or funny. Or something. But damn, people are bold!

one, two, three

I’m so busy at work that I can’t get through my whole list on google reader! Bleh! That totally annoys me.

Today when I called the woman who ordered the cupcakes I totally sold her on better flavors…flavors I just so happened to be making for other orders to make it easier for me. I also took Thursday off so that I can get everything done. I’m going to drop the pups off at the groomer in the morning, rush to the cake store to get boxes, then back home to bake a bazillion cupcakes. Oh, and then I’ll have some more of the best sex ever. Sounds like a nice day to me!

The cupcake woman sounded either drugged up or kinda dumb. She said that she was ordering them because her family loves cupcakes. She used to get them from another place, so I quickly googled them and found that it’s another woman baking out of her home. Her website sucked, but she had way better pictures than I do – which will totally be rectified once I have a new laptop. She also charges wayyy more than I do at $36/dozen. Mine are $20/dozen…and I’m quite confident mine taste better. I might order some from her so I can see.

Not having a laptop is getting super annoying, but I’m trying to hold out till March. I almost broke down and ordered one from Dell today just to get by until I can use the company’s computer purchase program to buy the MacBook, but I decided I should think about it overnight. March isn’t very far away so I should be able to just chill…hell, I killed the other one back in like October so it’s not like 3 weeks longer will kill me now. There are just so damn many things I need to do that I can’t do at work.

It’s much harder to fall asleep when there isn’t a bottle of wine knocking me out, but I had a fairly productive night tonight so I’m all good on that decision. Now I need to start counting sheep or something.

fear of failure

“It’s easier to sabotage yourself stuffing your face than put yourself out there and risk failure.”

Quote from a Lifetime movie I watched this weekend. Yes, I’m the epitome of the single dog lady. Evidenced further by the fact that I bought my pups personalized blankets this weekend. Yeah, I’m pretty cool. Don’t fool yourself. Lifetime, dogs, wine, cigarettes. You only wish.

I spend a lot of time on the weekends making plans for the week. Plans I rarely follow through with. Plans I forget by 4pm Monday afternoon. Plans that are influenced by people who believe in me – trust me, Anne, not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought about that email you sent me.

I equate the cupcake business with weight loss…when I was 300 pounds it was scary to think of starting something that I could fail at. I could never look at small, individual steps to get to my goal. I only saw the huge undertaking to get to the result. And this is why my weight loss efforts failed time and again.

Now I see myself doing it with the cupcake business. Every single time a new order comes in I freak out. What if they don’t like them? What if they get messed up while delivering? What if someone doesn’t think I’m amazing at baking? What if I put a crapton of time, effort, money and soul into this business and I fail?

Silly, no? Fear is the one thing keeping me from my dream. And that’s crazy talk! I’m good at this. My cupcakes are amazing! I’m intelligent and I can do this! So why haven’t I?

Great questions, Anne.

Fear.

So many people believe in me, in this business. So many people have told me that I “missed my calling” as I sit at my desk all day every day dreaming up new flavors and techniques and marketing plans.

I’m distracted. I fear. And that’s the difference between me and a successful business owner – I fear. And I let that fear win instead of spitting in its face.

This weekend I got an order for six dozen cupcakes from my website…from someone I don’t know. I can only imagine it came from my yelp listing, but until I talk to the orderer I have no clue how I was found. This has only happened one other time. She ordered SIX DOZEN…SIX! I freaked out when I saw it. Not because I can’t handle it or don’t want it, but because I couldn’t believe someone would blindly put faith in me like that. $120 worth of faith! That’s big. That’s big to me.

I finally found something I’m great at. I found something I love doing, that I do really well, that people will pay for. I remember when I took The AA to the theatre when I did their cupcakes and how afterwards he told me how impressed he was seeing me step into salesperson mode. Funny that I always have heard that I should be in sales, but I’ve never really found anything I totally believe in like my own product. And when I get in sales-mode I’m great at it.

So how do I stay there? How do I keep the confidence, step out onto that ledge and make it all happen? There are so many questions, so few answers or answers littered with fear, maybe.

sweet smells

For the past three days the traffic guy on my local morning news show has said “Let’s take a live look at the situation.” And every single time I’ve done a double take, fully expecting to see The Situation, not the situation. Each time I then laughed out loud at my own ridiculousness.

I didn’t feel like baking the Better Than Sex cupcakes for today’s order when I got home last night, so I started on them as soon as I woke up this morning. I think this has to be the best way to start a day – with the smell of cupcakes all through my place. Amazing. I seriously love the smell more than the taste. The BTS are quickly becoming one of the most popular flavors.

Mr. D sent me a text yesterday telling me that “we got another order!” I laughed when I read the “we” part, but with all the work he does for me I guess it’s fair. This one is lemon and red velvet. That makes 3 dozen for next week. Awesome. Things are finally looking up again.

Ex-Husband’s birthday is coming up and he’ll be acting at the theatre that night so I’m considering taking more cupcakes down there that night. I enjoy doing big orders like that and having the opportunity to talk to a bunch of people about the cupcakes. I have to make some serious marketing efforts. The referrals just aren’t enough anymore.

i know what i’m doing

The Therapist spent a little too much time talking about Mr. D yesterday…or making me talk about him, maybe. Point is, there was too much Mr. Delicious talk. And I’m honest with myself and him about how I feel about the situation, which probably makes it worse.

“I just want to go on record and say that what I fear for you in this situation is that you will be hurt in the end. Because at some point it will come to an end. It has to.”

“Ok, fair enough,” I said.

“But I see that you aren’t willing to give it up right now.”

“I’m not.”

“Ok, just think about it. Please. My only concern is that it’s not getting you closer to your goal and that’s what I want most for you.”

“Ok, I’ll think about it.” And I will think about it, but I’m not sure that means I’ll change anything just yet.

When I left his office I had the following text exchange with Mr. D:

Me: Guess what Alex just wasted an hour of my life talking about.
Mr. D: Ummm?? The AA?
Me: No, he only served as about 3 minutes of comic relief for us.
Mr. D: Ok, then what?
Me: You coming on my face.
Mr. D: and how did that come up?!
Me: Good question!
Mr. D: yeah a good question that requires a good answer
Me: well I meant that statement more figuratively than literally
Mr. D: lol u silly. But really how did it come up? Were you mad about that?
Me: oh hell no. remember when I told you about him questioning your character? That was the beginning.
Mr. D: LOL I’m sure coming on your face improved my character in his eyes
Me: Yeah, he told me to give you a high five next time I see you
Mr. D: lol shut up and stop lying lmao
Me: I was just going for the laugh

The truth was the other night when we were having sex the first time it did accidentally get on my face, but of course I didn’t tell The Therapist this. And of course I wasn’t mad about it. It wasn’t like he was aiming at my eye. It just happened and I thought it was kinda funny actually.

Sex isn’t the focus of the relationship with Mr. D. Yes, it’s the best sex I’ve ever had and I love having it, but if someone told me today that we could never have sex again I’d still hang out with him just as much. I’m all about our good conversations, the laughter and fun. I enjoy the connection.

I’m not going to get hurt. How can I? I already know he doesn’t want a relationship. And I know what I’m doing.

help wanted

This is the first blog I’ve had in years that doesn’t have its own domain and it will be getting one soon. I was trying to come up with a name I thought I’d want to keep long-term and by golly I think I got it. In the past I was:

www.searching4mysoul.com (the first – 5 years ago!)
www.allnewgracey.com (when I moved in with Will – this is the only blog I didn’t back up – sad!)
www.livinglavidabarista.com

The new name is cute, I think, so that’s not where I need help – what I need is a complete re-design. I don’t want anything even resembling a template, I want it to be totally custom. I want a pretty specific logo. I can write code, but I’m not a graphic designer, so that’s what I’m looking for…someone who can create my graphics for me.

Do you know anyone who does this kind of thing for relatively cheap? Or do YOU? I’ve been looking on etsy and I see some that are ok…there’s always the person who designed my business logo…but I figured I’d throw it out here before exploring those options.

smoking

I’ve talked for quite some time about my desire to quit smoking, yet when the time comes I no longer want to. It’s been 4 years since I quit last, and 2 years since I started back up. I’ve thought about quitting every single day since Pastor Mom sent me that email, but I just didn’t want to actually quit yet. And this time it’s not because I don’t want to quit, it’s more just that I don’t want to fail. Again. I was hoping to wake up one day and have a serious urge to just not do it anymore. I haven’t had that urge. I don’t get encouraged by other people who quit. I don’t even think it’s that hard to quit, to be honest…it’s just wanting to…and keeping that desire.

So now that I’m part of an HSA for my health insurance there’s this $100 incentive to quit smoking – the $100 they’ll deposit into my HSA if I successfully complete the quitting program. And sure, I could lie, but then I figure maybe this is just a good time to go ahead and do it.

Honestly – I haven’t written about it because I don’t want people to talk to me about it. I don’t want to hear “I thought you already quit” or “Are you still not smoking?” or really anything about it. I don’t care what anyone else thinks and it won’t keep me accountable, it will just make me feel judged and that will further disconnect me from you.

The only reason I’m writing about it now is I told The Therapist about it, so it has to be real. That and I was taking this smoking cessation program through my health plan and thought this little exercise it made me do was interesting:

As I was driving to work from The Therapist’s office this morning I started thinking about the Tiffany cupcake necklace that I’m pretty much obsessed with now. I realized that if I quit smoking I’ll save enough money in a month to buy the necklace, so I made myself a little deal – quit smoking, then finish bootcamp in March and the necklace is mine. I think that’s a fair incentive for myself.

So get ready to see that little beauty around my neck on March 26th – the last day of bootcamp. It will be there.

In the meantime, don’t talk to me about smoking. I don’t want to talk about it. I’m going to mourn it all by myself and if I want to talk about it I will bring it up. If I don’t – well you know what that means, m’k?

i’m boring

I’ve been avoiding thinking about Valentine’s Day because it’s just another day I’ll be alone. I don’t really care too much about the commercial holiday, but of course I would love to wake up to romance…just not any more than I would any other day of the year. VD just seems to serve as a reminder of being single. Still.

This morning I’m going to see The Therapist and I really have nothing to talk about. I’m sure he’ll come up with something good, but it will probably be something I don’t want to talk about. Of course that’s always the best therapy…the times when I don’t want it, I mean. I am guessing Mr. D will come up – not by my choice – and I’ll be left defending, or making excuses, for my continuation of this whole thing. The Therapist might find this discussion to be reminiscent of the p-o-t talks, as I will tell him that I have no plans to end this so it will be silly to waste time talking about it. The Therapist is predictable, yet so am I.

After I have sex it’s pretty much all I can think about – I want more. More, more, more! Every night. Every morning. All over the house. And this is how I get attached. He’ll want it just as much, he just won’t get attached like I will. But until something else starts happening in that area (meaning someone else) I’m going to get it as much as I can. And I’m going to try to keep my emotions in check as much as I can.

Yesterday I was in the break room at work and this girl asked me what I was doing this weekend, if I was going out. I laughed and said, “I’m not your age, I don’t go out like that.”

“Come on. When is the last time you went out?” She was, of course, referring to clubbing. Ummm no.

“Shit, I can’t remember. I’m not really into that whole thing anymore.”

“Anymore? You aren’t that old!”

“I’m much older than you,” I told her.

“What? Like two years?” I laughed and walked out of the break room, happy to escape that conversation. Try like 7-8 years, honey. I don’t have any desire to club hop or look for random men who want to go home with someone…not to mention the fact that I DON’T DANCE…so why the hell would I be all up in the club at my age? Umm no.

I don’t care if I seem lame, it’s just not my thing and never has been. And while I can’t really say what my thing is – I do know it’s not clubbing.

the cupcake necklace

Here’s a pic for those who didn’t see my link earlier…and here’s the link so you can buy it for me.

marketing

Mr. Delicious loves to call me the day he takes my cupcakes to work so he can give me all the positive feedback. Without fail he does this every time and I can always hear the excitement in his voice. He giggles as he tells me about how much people loved them. I love that.

Today when he called he told me his new marketing plan is to target the admins in his building since they have more possibility of ordering rather than just eating. Seriously he rocks.

In other news – check out my newest acquisition made at lunch today. This one is going to stay in the office since I already have too much cupcake stuff at home. I will be getting a second one for a picture of lil Miss Moxie. Precious, no?

cupcakes on display

The baby shower cupcakes from last weekend were apparently a big hit. I received these 2 pictures in my inbox this morning…so cute!

just wonderful

“Good morning,” he said with a warm smile and I smiled back. “How are you today?”

“Good morning! I’m wonderful! How are you?” I asked the owner of my new favorite bagel bakery this morning on my way to work.

“Wonderful? Wow, that’s great! I don’t know that I’m wonderful, but I’m doing quite well.”

I laughed. “Yes, wonderful is a great thing, so I hope your day gets wonderful.”

I’m not always this ultra cheesy to deli owners in the morning, but I had the best sex last night! The best! Three times! Yes, THREE. Mr. Delicious did not disappoint at all. In fact, he far exceeded all expectations and as much great sex as we’ve had it’s surprising he can still wow me like he did last night.

Perhaps it was because it’s been so long. Perhaps it’s because I needed it so badly last night. Perhaps it’s just because he’s the Best Sex Ever. I don’t really care WHY, I just know it was a-may-zing. And because of it I’m “Wonderful!” today.

To keep the emotional distance I generally avoid the cuddly crap after sex with him, but last night I threw in the towel on all that playing hard bullshit and cozied up next to that delicious body. I couldn’t stop touching him; he was just so warm and his body so fucking luscious. I couldn’t help myself. And considering THREE TIMES BITCHES!!! I’d say he couldn’t help himself either.

Gosh, it’s pretty outside today!

i am the cupcake master

I nailed it, kids. NAILED. IT.

Mr. D looked like he was experiencing his first orgasm of the night as he bit into this deliciousness (the cupcake, not me).

So, here’s what we have:

Chocolate Chip Cookie Cupcakes with cream cheese frosting and mini chocolate chips

And check out the inside:

Peanut Butter Cookie Cupcakes with peanut butter frosting and chocolate drizzle

I hate the pointy tops of the PBs, but that frosting is thick like peanut butter fudge and I was in a hurry. Who cares anyway, that shit is so freaking good you would forget what they look like after just smelling them.

So what I did was made the chocolate cupcake batter using my standard recipe, then added balls of cookie dough – chocolate chip cookie dough and peanut butter cookie dough – and baked. Stupid delicious. Stupid.

Sometimes I amaze myself.

what’s for lunch

I watched Julie and Julia this weekend and calling it a disappointment is a very nice gesture on my part. I thought it was horrible and could barely sit through it. The parts I hated most:

1. Julie’s demeanor, attitude, voice (ok, JULIE.)
2. Julia’s voice
3. Julie’s obsession with Julia
4. The fact that Julie had so many followers on her blog in so little time
5. THEIR VOICES!

Last weekend I watched The Invention of Lying and thought it was kinda funny. Cute lil romantic comedy, but not necessarily something I’d watch again. Entertaining, though. This coming weekend I’m going to finally suck it up and watch My Sister’s Keeper. I just haven’t been interested in the tears in the past couple weekends, which is why I haven’t watched yet. But I will, I will.

So I made it one day in my No French Onion Soup Plan. I just had to have some today. They laughed at me when I told them as I ordered it. It’s that good. And today was even better than usual.

Old Uncle Marv just made me laugh when he said “We’ve got some rascals out there!” Thankfully I just overheard him saying it so I didn’t have to laugh in his face. I am starting to worry because I rarely find rascals and it seems he always does. It’s a known fact that I’m softer than he is, but I should have found something good by now, I think. Maybe not a LIIIIAAAAR (OUM’s favorite word by a landslide) or an axe murderer (his second fave), but at least a thief or someone exploiting your grandma. Jeez.

in the ring

Are Bichons ever trained as fighting dogs? The way my babies fight each other in the morning sometimes makes me think I need a ring and some tickets to sell. The moments like the one in the picture from this weekend are few and far between. In fact, I’m sure that probably lasted all of 15 seconds before Cuddles moved far away from Moxie. They do get along when they aren’t either fighting each other or fighting for my attention, but these little white balls of fur hold a Royal Rumble like I never imagined I’d see. Every single morning.

The taxes have been filed and close to the top of the list of things I need to do with that refund is getting the pups fixed. More exciting than that is the new tires I’ll be getting. Mine are pretty much bald, which accounts for 90% of the reason I stay close to home most of the time. This will be such a relief and I’m sure my jeep will thank me. Also on the list bootcamp in March (woohoo!!!), a bigger crate for Ms. Moxie, that ticket I forgot to pay (ooopsies) and then I’m going to try to put a little into the vacation fund.

On the current wish list:

A drill and staple gun
Wii fit plus
Bookshelf
Chair for living room
Clothes and shoes for spring (after bootcamp, of course)
Tiffany cupcake necklace

I’ve been looking for new beds for my pups, but now I’m thinking I should pull out that sewing machine Pastor Mom bought me for xmas a few years ago. It’s never even been taken out of the box, so what a better time than this. I haven’t been able to find beds I like for them (for under $200) so this way I can do whatever I want. I’m also going to make them a toy box.

Maybe I should build them a boxing ring.

timing

I was lying on the couch watching Dateline when he came through the door Saturday morning wearing a Miami sweatshirt, sweatpants and slippers. My head was throbbing so I didn’t get up. He took his Chick-fil-a breakfast to the table. This time he’d actually called me to see if I wanted anything.

He’d sent me a text a little after 9 to come get the cupcakes Clueless #1 had ordered. I’d considered taking them to him, but my head was throbbing so I was camped out on the couch while the pups slept soundly in their crates.

“Hi,” I said, smiling at him and loving that I didn’t have to be all dressed up and perfect when he came over. “You can sit over here. I’ll sit up.”

“It’s ok. You look comfortable,” he said, but I moved anyway.

“Please. Come sit over here.”

As he ate we talked about everything we could fit in to the hour before he had to leave to meet Clueless #1, who found out this week that she’s pregnant. Of course we had a field day with that one.

Our conversation was nothing short of perfect, as it has consistently been since I stopped trying to be in love with him. We’d acknowledged to each other that we both really enjoy and appreciate the other’s friendship, and since we’ve been hanging out regularly again we’ve slipped into a new level of comfort.

We’d always had so much to talk about and when I relax and just enjoy it things are so much easier, so much more fun. He’s appreciative and attentive and caring and wonderful….which is the very reason I fell for him in the first place. That and we just get along famously when things are like this. Our views and opinions are so aligned that we just seem to fit.

And sure, when I see things like this with us I do tend to want a little more than what we have. How could I not. But right now I’m trying not to think about that part and just enjoying the fun stuff. Especially because we’re not having sex at this point and haven’t in what seems like forever. As much as I want to, and oh do I want to!, I also know that it might make this friendly thing too hard so I’m not in a huge rush to get naked again.

“You should have come to my place,” he said after Clueless #1 called wondering when he’d be home with the cupcakes. “Ten more minutes.” And we tried to cram as much as we could into that 10 minutes that quickly turned into 15.

After he left he sent me a text saying that he hated that he had to leave and we had to continue that conversation. I’ll admit – it pulled at my heart a teensy bit. It’s nice knowing he enjoys our time as much as I do. But no, I’m not going to allow myself to get caught up in it.

another monday

My dreams last night were all totally weird. In one dream I asked Papa Johns (I hate their pizza, btw) if they could give me some extra saltine crackers and the manager called me to ask if I’d be bringing a suitcase with me to pick them up. In another dream I went to work without shoes. Awesome.

I get annoyed when the Olympics start because it interrupts tv. I don’t really love watching the games – summer or winter. My bad. I always feel bad saying that out loud because it seems most people loooove watching. Bleh.

There isn’t much grosser to me than thinking about a John Edwards sex tape.

The Dog Walker just stopped by to give me my key back. I was startled when I heard my doorbell ring at 715 in the morning, so I was glad to see it was just her.

“You’re so dumb,” she said to me as she handed me the key while I tried to hold the pups back.

“Huh?” I couldn’t have heard that right

“You’re so dumb!” She repeated.

“Why?”

“Why are you up? I can’t believe you didn’t wake up and then just stay in bed.”

“I would have loved to, but I have to go to work.”

“Oh come on. You can wake up 5 minutes before and get ready fast. Bye!” And she left. I laughed out loud as I shut the door. I miss those silly little girls. They are too funny.

I’m so ready to get my new MacBook. That damn W-2 better be in my mailbox today. This weekend I was sick of using my blackberry to read blogs so I instead used my wii to go online. Unfortunately it isn’t google reader friendly, so that idea was unsuccessful. I need my new toy.

babies

Where does one end and the other begin!?