can i borrow a bandaid…

…or maybe just a book on how to get over love.
Ok, so tell me again…when does it start getting better? I can’t even begin to fathom that it could take me ½ the time we were together to get over this fool. That’s 2 years. There’s no way I’m going to be sad about this shit for that long. No fucking way.
What a day. What a crap ass day. I got no sleep last night so I could get up totally early to study for this stupid exam. All those lectures spent writing in the ol’ blog while the prof was lecturing were difficult to learn in 2 hours this morning. I had 4 3-hour class sessions to learn, and I’m not exaggerating when I say that I knew NOTHING until 4:30 this morning.
I was exhausted, pissy, and just wanted to be far away from people all day. I hate that 4 people asked me what was wrong today. Good soul. I’m usually so good at pretending like things are cool. Nobody knows what’s going on, so the girl 2 cubes in front of me still loves telling me all her pregnancy details and asking me about mine. There’s all these you-are-nexts and isn’t-it-your-turns. And I don’t even crack. I just divert the conversation back to them. But every minute of it totally sucks.
Work has to be the hardest part of the day…especially because M and I still have these little email exchanges going on. Today I ended up totally flipping on him when he asked me (what else) – what was wrong. I told him that I hated him, ever though we both know I don’t. He offered to go stay at a friend’s house until I find a new place to “make it easier for me”, and while I know I need to jump on that and let him go it’s reallllllly hard to actually do it. I know that I need to tell him to go. I know he wants me to ask him to stay.
Ok, I’m going to do it. I think I’ll do anything to make it all go away right now. As long as I can distract myself I’ll be ok. I just hope that’s healthy for me right now. I don’t know what’s normal anymore.