a baby?

I don’t really like going out on Fridays. So when David called tonight I was all ready to veg out for the night, smoke a little, and cook a nice dinner…maybe read a little Good in Bed, which I’m enjoying, but not totally thrilled about. I devoured Tom Perrotta’s Little Children while in MI. Thanks, WannaBe Mom, for the suggestion…have been reading Almost French for a good three months now and can’t really get through it.
So anyway, I really didn’t want to go, but i figured what the hell. So I showered quickly, and tried on at least 4 outfits before settling. I met him and Bill at Pancho’s for some good Mexican food and a margarita and a half. I’m sure I’ve said before that I’m not much of a drinker, but I’m trying to develop a tolerance that will allow me to have one or two and not worry that I’ll get sick. Hence, the smoking. Always predictable, don’t wake up feeling shitty. Perfect.
I keep tangent-ing here. My bad.
I wasn’t at the table more than 5 minutes when Bill started telling me about selling his condo. Next thing I know they’re moving in together! Now that’s pretty big news for David not to tell me. I like to think he tells me a lot of the important shit, and that’s pretty big. But I had no idea what big really meant.
And the news just kept getting bigger…suddenly they’re moving in together, getting married, and the big bomb – they want to have a baby and they want me to be the mother. And not only that, they want to conceive this baby by having a threesome and just taking a shot to see which stud’s sperm sticks.
I was in shock. I never expected this. David told me it was the whole reason they’d asked me to dinner, and I couldn’t move. I was frozen. I stared straight ahead, out at the highway, directly at the sign over 85 that said Cheshire Br Rd…I just looked back and forth at them with my mouth dropped wide open.
“So how would it work?” I asked. Men seem to have a way of misinterpreting my questions, because David responded with more detail on the threesome. “I mean with the baby.”
“Oh,” David said, “we’d have to work that all out.”
I was still in shock…looking everywhere but in the eyes of the men telling me this. Thoughts were screaming through my head. I could totally see myself doing something like this, but then again that’s why I’m in therapy…I do without thinking. I go for the adventure. I ignore logic sometimes and chase fantasy. It’s how M and I got together, it’s how I left MI, it’s how I spent my high school years, and now I wanted to do it again. What would my family say? What would my friends say? I knew nobody would approve, and I was kinda freaking out about the fact that I liked the idea.
I have to tell you I’ve never been more flattered in my life. To think that these two called me the first choice for the mother of their child really touched me, and I felt all emotionally sticky inside. It was the weirdest feeling.
And even weirder is the fact that just this weekend the AD and I were talking about ways I could have a baby myself. Purely in jest, but don’t think every option wasn’t somewhat considered.
So I just stared at the sign, shaking my head, still feeling shocked. I asked where the baby would live and David said we’d share custody. At that moment I knew it would be harder than I could even imagine. How could I possibly not be by my baby every single day? Well, what if it’s to help two people in love get what they want out of life, too? Hmmm…appealing to my emotional side for sure.
“So basically it’d be like both of ours, we’ll just keep it at my house?” I asked David. He laughed. I couldn’t grasp the concept of being away from my child, but then I thought of who better to be a father to my child than my closest friend. Wow. I couldn’t believe I was entertaining this idea.
But I guess you could say I got punk’d. damn it. the fuckers were just messing with me. Now I love playing tricks on people more than you can imagine, so once I got over the shock I laughed too.
But I couldn’t stop thinking about it. or the threesome. The rest of the damn night the boys insisted on talking about penises and how to tell the shape of a man’s dick by looking at him and all this other stuff that just happens to excite some girls…