doing it

I left work and hit the gym, as I’d promised myself, despite those voices in my head trying to sabotage this whole plan. I felt pretty anxious, but refused to give in to those feelings this time. When I got to the gym and saw how packed the parking lot was – something I hadn’t thought of – I seriously considered leaving. But right as I thought this a parking spot opened up in front of me and I knew I had to do it.

Walking in I was fully aware of all the people looking at me, and I told myself it was because I looked so cute yesterday. I tried to focus on getting to the locker rooms and nothing else, but the 3-4 guys who said hi to me as I walked by served as minor distractions. I smiled back and kept walking, knowing further thought on being attractive to someone would surely trip me up. I changed into my tank top and shorts, then headed out to the elliptical machine.

My goal for the first night was to just do 30 minutes then I could leave. And while I went at it I tried to make myself stop looking at the cutie on the treadmill who kept staring at me…or the girl next to me. I’d made a little deal with myself that the gym was going to be my time, not time to look for potential dates, and while it was hard to remember that focus even in the short 35 minutes I spent on that machine as all this crazy hotness sweated in front of me, I think it’s important to have that focus. Going to the gym is not my next idea to become un-single. It’s about getting healthy, reducing stress and feeling ready to put on that bathing suit in 2 short months when pool/tanning season starts.

So I made it through the first time, which is always the hardest for me, especially when it’s a new place. But now I know what to expect. I know the layout of the gym and where I need to go, what I need to do. I have my clothes packed for this evening and I’m going to make sure to keep this commitment to myself. After all, I can’t buy any cute new Nike workout clothes until I’ve gone at least 5 days a week (including weekends) for a month…that right there might be my saving grace, since I’m dyyyying for a new tracksuit and a pair of cute pink/grey running shoes!

I’m not getting ahead of myself here, though.  I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished anything other than breaking through the barrier.  The real challenge is the continuation of the gym project.  I need to go enough to make it a habit before I can actually celebrate this.  Going has happened before.  Consistency hasn’t been there since my old HOT Trainer back in like 2004…5 years ago.

Today is actually the 3 year anniversary of the day I had gastric bypass surgery, and this seems like a good way to kick off year 3.  I’m down 130 pounds since that day I walked into the hospital 3 short years ago, and now I’m ready to finish it off and lose the last 30.  It seems like so much longer ago, yet so much shorter ago in some ways.  I’d not have changed that decision for anything, only to have made it sooner.  My life changed dramatically after that…and while I may still be all jacked up emotionally I’m a million miles away from where I was before going under that knife.  Happy Surgiversary to me!  And Happy St. Patrick’s Day to the rest of the peeps!

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