“You better not suck and mess up my softball game.” I recognized the voice before even turning around, so I turned on the charm when I really wanted to tell him to go away.
“And what would give you the crazy idea that I suck?” I asked him, turning around in my chair and crossing my legs while looking up at him.
“I’m just saying. You better not mess up my game.”
“Whatever man. I think I’ll be fine,” I said, rolling my eyes at him. He looked cute, as he has every single time I’ve seen him in my 2.5 short months with the company and I felt my face growing redder and redder as I prevented myself from jumping some woman’s husband in the middle of my office.
As he walked away I cursed him. How dare he make me nervous about this after I came to the decision that I wanted to play. That’s so unfair of you! Go talk to your wife or something!
I tried to shake it off, but I was anxious after that. Like I really needed the pressure. I’d been waiting all day for the line-up to come out to see which position I’d be playing, and felt excited when Pretty Blue Eyes had told me I’d be playing first base. I’d been excited about tonight’s game until MHITG had come by my desk this morning and threw me off. I’d been ready, damnit. Why was I letting some woman’s husband shake me up so? Why did I care? Why couldn’t I get his voice out of my head? Why was I so attracted to this dickhead?
I left work around noon to head to The Therapist’s office. It served to break things up, but I wasn’t prepared with anything to talk about. Probably I should have brought up my ridiculous desire for this man who was spoken for, but I didn’t want to hear the judgments. I know I’ll never do anything about the silly crush. Right? Yeah. Never.
We talked a bit about Julie and the lost connections when I left Starbucks, and The Therapist had the nerve to try to convince me to get rid of My Matty. I almost got up out of my chair at that point, but instead just told him this conversation was not going to continue. And no real big revelations of anything came until the last 3 minutes of the session (as per uj, right?) when I admitted that I felt inferior to any man I’ve dated because of my financial situation. It’s bigger than that, really. Too big, in fact, but in 4 years of therapy I’ve never felt comfortable admitting my fear of not being good enough for reasons relating to money. And he seemed to think he’d hit the jackpot with that one. I tend to agree. And we’ll be exploring that more at a later date and time.
I returned to the office and the anxiety about the game, and MHITG, returned. My head had a nagging throb in the back and I knew it was anxiety-induced. I tried to calm myself down, went to talk to Allison for a minute and that helped, but what really took my mind off of it was getting an email from my crush, White Crush A.
White Crush A is the adorable smiley guy I’d met in the elevator on Tuesday. I hadn’t seen him since then, and had almost forgotten about him – kinda – before getting the email. It was cute…he used all kinds of exclamation points, reminded me that he was the guy I’d met in the elevator, and what followed was 40 minutes of emailing back and forth. It felt flirty and fun, but I hate to read into things. You just never know. He might just be a friendly guy. And while it felt a little more than just friendly to me, it may have been because I wanted it to be more than just friendly.
I know little about him, but enough to want to find out more. There’s no ring on his finger, but as I’ve realized that just doesn’t mean a thing these days. I think he’s a little younger than me, but I have no earthly idea how old he is yet. I’m thinking late 20s. I’m ok with late 20s. So I’m hoping to enjoy this little flirtation a little longer than I was able to enjoy the last work crush.
So the game was fun, but I didn’t do as well as I’d hoped. I hit the ball, but was out at first in the second inning, then struck out my next time at bat. I pouted as I walked away from the plate with the third out and the end of the game. We lost miserably. Absolutely miserably. But it was fun. MHITG wasn’t looking as cute as I’d thought earlier in the day, and I thought he had a kinda boring personality. So that was kinda nice. And while I’m sore as hell tonight (me and Matty had a little run after the game – the longest I’ve run so far!), I’ll be going back for more…but I very well might hit the batting cages soon!
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