When I was a young girl I used to wish on the stars…for love to come. And by young girl I mean late teens/early 20s. It seems I’ve always been wishing for love, yes. So tonight as I stood on my balcony and looked up to see the stars I was reminded of this, and for a split second I started to want to make a wish on those stars.
But today as I sat in my adorable new apartment with Mr. Delicious I wished for nothing. The only stars were in my eyes as he rested his head on my shoulder while we sat here on the very loveseat I’m lying on right now. Even my little Matty was good this time. He didn’t get all up in his face, didn’t bark too much when I put him in the cage the second time we had sex. All around it was just good.
I hadn’t seen Mr. Delicious since last Sunday and it was starting to weigh on me. I’d gotten close to seeing him one night this week, but by the time that came about I was tired, had a couple glasses of wine in me and it just wasn’t a good idea to be driving. Today, however, was perfect. I’d gotten most of the apartment organized, was sufficiently missing him and apparently the feeling was mutual.
I hadn’t planned to cook for him this time, but while we were on the phone trying to guide him to my place I got hungry. So I made some delicious chicken enchiladas. I was finishing them up as he got here and loved the way he stood in the kitchen watching me. He looked so cute, but this time I hadn’t forgotten how cute he is. I was just glad to see him and have him in my space. And I forgot quickly how annoyed I was that I hadn’t seen him all week when he found the red power ade I’d bought him in the fridge and was obviously touched. It touched me that he appreciated it, and he touched me by kissing me softly on my neck as I stood at the sink cleaning up the dishes. He felt so good, smelled so familiar, made me melt with his touch the way he always does.
The day with Mr. Delicious was nothing short of wonderful, and, as I always do when I’m with him, I scolded myself in my head for allowing so much doubt to creep in while he was away. Maybe I needed to learn to recognize missing someone and abandon the fear of not being wanted. I don’t really think we want the same thing at this point…I don’t think his ultimate goal is to fall in love with me the way I want to fall for him, but there’s something there. I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s just friendship, maybe we’re doing that old friends with benes thing, but it doesn’t feel like FWB situations I’ve had in the past where it’s more benefits and less friendship. This has more balance. I talked to him every day this week. We don’t just have sex and go home. I dunno. I could be analyzing, as I’m so good at, but this just seems a little different to me.
I like Mr. Delicious a lot, and it does get worse when I spend time with him. He just has a way of making me tingle. And I don’t just mean sexually, but while I’m there I have to say that the sex is just phenomenal. And I, of course, had a little “Awww!” moment today when he said that we just work. He’s right. We sooo work. In so many ways. He’s so calm and sweet. We get along so well, we laugh and have fun and talk about all sorts of random meaningless shit, as well as the deeper stuff, and then we get to have that amaaaazing sex. Isn’t that what it’s supposed to be like?
And today I was so very relaxed with him. I think being in my own space – allllll mine – is helpful. I knew I was having issues with where I was in my life and that this step would help, but I saw how much it really helped as we sat here talking. I didn’t feel nervous. I didn’t question the things I said or did. I was just calm and content.
We did christen the place…a few times in the 8 hours he was here. Before lunch, after lunch, before our little 2 hour nap. It was so nice waking up and looking over seeing him there next to me, close to me. Usually I’m not a cuddly sleeper so after that initial few minutes when you first go to bed I’m pushing the person to the other side of the bed. That’s why I have a king. Duh. I like my space, and when I’m alone I sleep diagonally on it because it feels so much bigger that way. But today I don’t even remember falling asleep (combo of a couple glasses of wine and him wearing me the fuck out). I just woke up and felt him behind me, and when I looked over my shoulder he was sound asleep in my bed. Glorious.
Back to work tomorrow. With a big ol’ cheesy smile on my face. Because everything just feels so great right now. Everything.
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