Last night before bed I was reading blogs and came across the one (I need to find the link) that made me write last night’s post. I’ve considered taking it down because when reading it this morning it felt way more empty than I feel. And suggests things that aren’t remotely possible for me.
The suicide connection, one I think now I shouldn’t have made, was really just from reading about it. I’m in no way wanting to end things or thinking about killing myself. My point was just that for the first time in my life lately I have had days where I’ve wondered what the point is. I’ll go as far as to say I think people probably wonder this more than they admit and that doesn’t make them suicidal. It was a bad connection.
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I’m sure you got plenty of text about your post last night. I started to respond but didn’t get a chance to finish it. Here is what I started to say.
Thank you for bringing up such a taboo topic even if as you say it was a bad connection. There is a shame and stigma attached, which only makes it harder for people who do feel that way to talk about it.
I think your post can be taken as a positive one. Everyone at some point does question their life and feels lost but that does not mean they are suicidal. When I read it last night, it came across that you are struggling right now, but knew you were not there. That no matter how bleak or lost you felt, you couldn’t imagine being so lost you would do that. There was empathy for how others that attempt or succeed at suicide that is rarely shown or expressed.
I wish you weren’t feeling the way you are, but can completely relate. You are a strong and amazing woman and I know you are going to get past this. Until then keep writing, keep letting your feelings and struggles be known. Keep reaching out to those that love you and let them be close to you. They only want the best for you and are more then willing to help you with the bad as well as celebrate the good.
Big hugs!
I read both of your posts this morning. I will say while I didn’t think you were saying you were suicidal I was glad to read your second post.
I think though what you wrote about, while taboo, is honest. I think a lot of people at some point or another feel lost enough, disconnected enough, or even depressed enough that their minds go to a dark place. It doesn’t mean they will act on it – but it’s something to be conscious of.
I think when people have days where they wonder what the point is, it’s a crossroads for them. The person could continue on and hope that things get better or that their mind won’t wander to that place anymore.
Or they can make a change. And sometimes the house has to fully crumble before the new foundation can be built…
From following your blog the past few months it’s apparent there are a few things that spark something in you – it comes through your writing.
Your writing is one of them. It’s clever, witty, and very honest. Your topics spark good and bad comments (which to me always means it’s the best type of writing). But you seem to enjoy writing.
Another is your cupcakes. After winning the cupcake smackdown your seemed like you were on a high.
And another is how you write after you hang out with your Starbucks friends or other girlfriends. There’s a clear distinction in your tone when you write.
I’m not trying to give advice but more notes on what I’ve noticed in your writing.
It just sounded like you were having more of a down in the dumps moment than a suicidal one. At least to me anyway.
That’s what I took from it too. That’s why i call it a funk. We go through those quite often. It’s fairly normal.
I agree. I didn’t think you were suicidal. But it is important to know your worth and your place in the world.
You shouldn’t question these things.
Your life IS meaningful.
We are not all doctors, or scientists discovering cures for illnesses; but we ARE all here for a reason.
Life is so precious. It is fine to question it, but you should know that there are so many reasons to validate your own.
x
One day I went to my therapist in a particulary depressed mood and she asked if I thought of hurting myself. I hesitated, and then said, no, but some days I get out of bed and just feel like my life is all wrong.
So I think I get it. And I appreciate your honesty.