freedom

Imagine my happiness when I arrive at the office this morning and saw that Old Uncle Marv’s chair was empty.  “He’s out today!!!” I shouted in my head to myself and my smile was so big it could have rivaled a horse’s.  Thrilled, ya’ll.  Absolutely thrilled.  I danced a jig.

The Old Man has been grating on every last nerve I have this week.  In the two years I’ve worked with him I haven’t had a week like this too often.  In recent months we’ve actually developed a mutual respect for each other and he didn’t drive me as crazy as he did at the beginning.  But this week….I kid you not I was afraid I’d be busting some Old Man ass.  At least 5 times I found myself in The Astrologer’s office venting and once I found myself in HR Guy’s office – no, not making a formal HR complaint, but really just talking to my buddy who happens to be the HR Guy.

It started Monday when he lectured me in a team meeting on how to handle something.  In one ear out the other.  That’s pretty much how I deal with him.  He may be super duper old, but his experience is not greater than mine in this industry.  I’ve been in this industry for 14 years, licensed as a broker for 10 years and I’ve been doing this exact job for two years.  I have all of the same licenses and qualifications he has.  The fact that he’s 30 years older than me doesn’t mean anything when it comes to the work…life experience?  Sure.  But this is work.

Anyway, so Monday in our team meeting he started telling me how he thinks I should handle one of my cases.  Before the words even left his mouth I shut down.  I am very open and receptive to ideas and constructive criticism, but this man’s delivery is piss-poor and hence the shut-down.  He repeats himself, loves to hear himself talk, doesn’t make good points and has his head so far up our c-level boss’s ass that he can’t think for himself and instead quotes said boss.  “Well, C-Boss says…” Umm…yeah.  Shut the fuck up.

Since I’m easy to get along with and generally don’t like to make people feel bad I just listened to what he had to say, cringing with every painful second of his monologue.  “Uh huh” was pretty much all that came out of my mouth as I tried to make it obvious I wasn’t listening by not looking him in the eye as he spoke.  Didn’t work and as he kept going I started to get more annoyed.  “I understand what you’re saying, Marvin,” I began, “but I’m just going to use my discretion and handle things how I see fit.”  Mind you – he is my teammate, not my boss.  My boss was right there in the room with us and my boss gave me a stellar review, so I know I’m doing just fine making decisions on my own.

Then came Tuesday…and a meeting with Old Uncle Marv, Boss and C-Boss.  Listening to OUM go on and on and on made me want to stab myself in the eye.  For a whole hour he was up C-Boss’s ass, as per uj, and at one point when Boss tried to say something OUM actually held his hand up in Boss’s face and shushed him.  I’m not exaggerating.  I laughed so hard I thought I was going to have to excuse myself.  It was that ludicrous.

I tried with all my strength to just not talk to him after that.  I knew the possibility that I’d snap at him was growing exponentially and I just don’t like to lose control of my emotions like that at work.  In my personal life?  Fine.  At work – not acceptable.  Things need to always be together here.  Not saying that boundaries can’t be set, but they can be set in a respectful manner, not as a reaction to being pissed off.

Reminds me of when I first started and OUM tried to make me his bitch secretary lil helper.   I’m none of these things.  I’m a professional.  Just because I happen to be a woman and the youngest person in the department doesn’t mean I’m not your equal.  But when you’re new you tend to go with the flow a little more.  It was my second week here and he told me he needed my help with a “very important project”.  Sweet!  I was ready.  He came to my desk and spent – NO FREAKING JOKE – 45 minutes explaining to me what he needed me to do for this very important project.  At the end of the 45 minutes I was sooo confused.  What the hell did he want me to do?  Had I missed something?

“So, Marvin,” I said.  “I just want to make sure I’m understanding this correctly.”  He’d just spent 45 minutes explaining it so I wanted to make sure I didn’t miss something.  “So what you’re asking me to do is write these names and fax number on these fax coversheets?” 

“Yes,” he said.

Oooooh boy.  I was so angry I was seeing stars.  This motherfucker was trying to get me to do his bullshit work!  I was new, remember, so I did it with a smile on my face.  But I knew right then that the time had come to make sure he understood that I was not anyone’s admin.  I would not be wasting my time doing some bullshit like that ever, ever, ever again.

The next time he asked me to do something similar, which was like the next day or two days later, I smiled and laughed a little.  “And did you want me to stop and get your dry cleaning when I’m done?”  Boss laughed from his cube when I said this, and I was relieved it had come out funny, but still got the point across.  It was said with enough of an edge that he got it without being offended and we all had a quick laugh.  He never once asked me to do any bullshit work for him again.

OUM is loud.  Like super loud.  Boss shuts his door to not have to hear him.  I turn up my gangsta rap at my desk to annoy him drown out his loud voice.  If anything ever happened and he left the company I could take over every single one of his cases without even reading them, because I have the torture pleasure of hearing him talk about each and every one of them at least 5 times a day.  Loudly.

So yesterday the final straw came along when he shushed us because of his “crucial call”.  I love my Boss – have I said that?  LOVE. HIM.  We get along famously, have the same opinions on issues that come up, and basically just leave each other alone to work…unlike OUM who has to consult with Boss before peeing.  I don’t consult with Boss on much at all.  I make my own decisions, solve my own problems.  Anyway, I was a little disappointed yesterday when Boss didn’t say something to OUM about his ridiculousness in shushing us when we all have to listen to him day in and day out.  Boss was just as annoyed by it as the rest of us, but he’s also like me in that we avoid conflict.  As the boss, however, I think he should have dealt with it…then again, he may have and I just don’t know.  Doubt it, though.

And I just wrote two pages of crap to say – I’M FREE TODAY!!!!!!  NO OLD UNCLE MARVIN!!!!!  I feel like I’m on vacation.