Lately I find myself staring at a blank screen more and more as I try to figure out what I want to write. I remember the days when I started blogging on my blackberry because 100 things would be in my head to write about while I was sitting on the Starbucks patio drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes and I didn’t want to forget them. I miss those days.
But I don’t just miss those days because of the ideas swimming freely through my head. I miss my life from back then. I miss the group of friends who were always around. I miss standing behind the Starbucks counter making snarky comments at the customers I knew could handle my sarcasm. I miss connecting with people from all walks of life every single day. I miss being in the middle of the energy of the great city of Atlanta. I miss it all.
The theme from the paragraph above is I am lacking in connections right now. I’m back in Corporate America, sitting at a desk, analyzing and investigating and not connecting. The best part of my day? When I go to Starbucks. People think I’m a serious coffee addict – and yeah, I do love my coffee – but more than that I love seeing the smiling faces of the baristas. When I’m having a bad day I go there more than when I’m having a good day. They cheer me up without even knowing I need that.
When I first went back to Corporate America it was because I realized that I could view it not as my life, but as a means to an end. A paycheck. A good paycheck, I mean. But now, as I reach my 2 year anniversary of being back in the Corporate World I realize that I was infinitely happier when I was making virtually nothing working at Starbucks and part-timing as a nanny. Sure, I wasn’t going to spend $80 on dinner back then…and when my car would have issues I’d stress the hell out…I didn’t have a savings account…I wasn’t saving for retirement…but shit, I was happy.
Now? I’m not UNhappy, per se, but I’m not thriving. I go through the motions – wake up, walk dogs, work, come home, walk dogs, make dinner, sleep and do it all over again. For what? To go out for an expensive dinner every so often? And? I’m bored. I’m not stimulated. It’s time for something new.
Unmotivated and bored. That’s generally how I feel most days. I would like to do something new, but I feel stuck here. Hope you find what you’re looking for.
I go back and forth with “Do I want to do this forever?” to “But the pension!” Ugh. Cubicle world is just not for me, but unfortunately I haven’t yet figured out what to do when I grow up.
Ditto this. I think I was happiest waiting tables at Shoney’s. Broke, but happy. Now I’m more secure, but definitely bored.