i’m the idiot now

*Update – I somehow missed the most important disgusting sausage pic.  It is now there above the recipe.  My bad.*

• The only time I don’t get mad that my iPod isn’t shuffling like it’s supposed to is when it lands on Adele.
• A few months back I confessed that I didn’t realize Adele was white.  What I’ve since realized is an even bigger confession.  I’m embarrassed by this one…I actually thought Adele was Estelle for the longest.  They sound nothing alike, look nothing alike, but both names have the Elle/Ele factor and they’re both British.  Yes, I know.  I really do know.
• I’m about to show you one of the grossest things I’ve seen in a minute.  The recipe for “Stuffed Sausage” came to my email at the very moment that Mr. D and I were having a conversation about the picture I’d just mistakenly stumbled upon online of a man’s penis.  I will not be showing you his sausage, but rather sausage as food.  So many things…

 

 

What this is: A kielbasa link split in half, topped with sour kraut and three scoops of mashed potatoes.  The picture shows both cheese and about a stick of butter on top of these disgusting monstrosities.  I threw up in my mouth a little when I saw this.

• And let’s go ahead and revisit my stumbling upon a penis pic on the online dating site.  This particular craphole site’s iphone app defaults to the activity screen – which is the latest activity around the site.  At the top of the page when I logged in was a picture that had just been uploaded…of a man’s penis in front of his steering wheel.  I just had to click on it to see what kind of tool was attached to that…ummm tool.  First – he’s married.  Nice.  Second – he states in capital letters his love of eating ass.  Yup.  Not kidding.  To each his own, I suppose. He also had a pic of his face.  Can you imagine seeing your friend’s husband on a site like this and having to tell her or show her this shit?  Wowsas.  Now I kinda want to post the screenshot of the dude, but I’ll save you from that.
• Reading the Missed Connections ads on craigslist will make you question yourself every time you’re friendly to someone in public.  Some are funny – most downright creepy!
• Today in Starbucks a woman went out of her way to talk to me.  Not your typical Mary Kay accosting, but odd nonetheless.  She invited me to join her “super exclusive” (her words) networking group for businesswomen in this part of town.  As I dug more I realized she was just going to try to recruit me to another multi-level marketing scam business.  When I told her where I work she backed off.  Why?  Because she recognized that I work in the headquarters of a rather large pyramid scheme MLM, so there’s no fooling me. 
• I booked another wedding yesterday.  That’s three this summer so far. 
• Memorial Day weekend?  Lots of graduation party cupcakes, more cleaning and the continued hunt for the perfect bedding, and a possible order for 300 cupcakes for Tuesday (fingers crossed for this one).
• I just ate a cookie.  Yum.