my secret crush

I’ve had a secret crush for some months now, but the fact that dude is significantly younger than me coupled with my inability to show interest when I have it made this crush impossible. So I kept it a secret, denying it often to myself, but still feeling a bit of joy every time I’d see him.

He has a way about him that I like. Sure, he’s a-freaking-dorable…and that helps. But he’s also got this sweet, calm, kind demeanor that I just adore. I get auto-happy when I see him because he has that kind of presence. And I have for many, many months.

Last weekend I saw him randomly when i was out delivering cupcakes and, while chatting, I casually mentioned my busy day of orders. Next thing I know I’m arranging to get him some cupcakes… because I can do that rather innocuously and still slip in my number without appearing like I’m hitting on him. I’m always fairly certain that will work one day.

And apparently it did this time.

The next time i saw him he expressed how happy he was that we ran into each other again because he’d lost my business card and loved the cupcakes. When he said he wanted to order some I quickly fished another card out of my purse. An order is an order!

I can’t lie, though. I waited that whole day to hear from him. I was all excited, but apparently he wanted to play it cool, as he waited almost exactly 24 hours before sending me a text thanking me for the cupcakes and reiterating how good they were before saying that he hoped he wasn’t being too forward by saying that he’d like us to actually arrange to get together instead of running into each other randomly.

You know I was all kinds of cheesin when I read that!

But I played it cool, told him that sounded good and we could do that.

And this morning when I ran into him again he was his usual cool, calm, collected self as he asked me if he could take me out Friday or Saturday night. Of course I said yes.

“I’m really curious, though,” Secret Crush said after we’d briefly chatted about what we could do this weekend. “Why are you still single? Because…” he paused and just smiled before continuing “…I think you’re simply gorgeous.”

It wasn’t the first time he’s complimented me. In fact, every time we’ve run into each other in the past few weeks he’s made a point to tell me he liked my dress or how beautiful I looked that particular day. And truth be told – a few of the times I’ve run into him I was wearing jeans, a tank top, no makeup and glasses, so he’s seen professional Barista, casual weekend Barista and just-stepped-away-from-the-oven-for-a-quick-coffee-break Barista. And no matter how he’s seen me I’ve always had a smile. For him.

So when he told me that he really just can’t wait to sit down with me and have a real conversation I was giddy beyond belief. And when he said that “it brightens my day when I see your pretty face in the morning” I was consumed by his sweetness. And not JUST because it’s super flattering to hear such things, but also because his way of being so genuinely sweet is so endearing to me.

He doesn’t feel gamey or aggressive just genuinely nice. And while I fully acknowledge that it could be nothing…I still like it. And I seriously can’t wait to sit across from him at a table finding out more about this sweet guy who thinks I’m pretty amazing without even having had a real conversation with me.

And so there’s Secret Crush in a nutshell.

I can’t wait to get to know him better and see if he’s really as sweet as he seems. And if I can just enjoy it for what it is. And who knows what it is now. I just know that he has made me smile a lot and I like that.