saying goodbye

Today is likely going to be my last day instead of tomorrow. I did my exit interview with HR Guy Monday and Boss took me to lunch yesterday – a lunch that turned into a 2 hour long bitch session about OUM. In the 2.5 years I’ve been working there, Boss and I have never bad-mouthed OUM to each other, but we’ve shared many looks that conveyed most of what we were thinking. I didn’t think it was appropriate to engage Boss in bashing one of his employees so I took my venting elsewhere. During lunch yesterday he told me that he wished I’d come to him in the past couple months to let him know just how miserable that old man made me, but – as I explained to him – I don’t know how it could have made a difference. You can’t change someone’s personality. Or lack there of.

“Please,” I said as we were leaving lunch. “When you hire someone to replace me do something to protect that person from him. Or hire a total asshole who will put him in his place.”

But after today I will never have to think about that old man again. And that’s probably one of the main reasons people have been telling me all week that I’m glowing. Well, that and this great tan makes me actually glow.

I will also never have to see Creepy Insecurity Guard again. Probably the same age as OUM – damn old – but way creepier. To not have to plan my day around not going to certain parts of the building while he’s there?  Will be glorious. And this week, since I’ve seen him at least 100 times, I’ve allowed myself to not feel bad about saying “good morning” and shutting the small talk down. But after today I won’t have to shudder knowing he’s trying to look at my hot legs in the skirt I’m wearing or watching me walk down the hall. Eeek. So disgusting.

I’ll never have to get stuck in the conversation with Debbie Downer, who is a very nice person, but reminds me of eeyore. I’ll never have to awkwardly excuse myself from those conversations. I’ll never have to hope I don’t run into her.

Or the Indian woman who tries to be really nice, but is actually one of the most annoying people ever. She hugged me yesterday and I was taken aback. I’m not a hugger. And we weren’t cool like that. Why she wanted to hug me?  Beyond all I can even imagine, but I guess I’m just a likable sort.

There was a last-ditch effort by my first work crush. Apparently he thinks that me leaving the company cancels out the fact that he’s married. I do wish he weren’t so hot, but the hotness is cancelled out by something called HIS WIFE. Shut that down again.

I did give my phone number to my super secret work crush yesterday…last ditch effort, I suppose. Not sure why I decided it would be ok to be so bold when I’ve spent 2 years tryig to flirt with him and getting nothing back. But hey – I got bold. And I didn’t die because of it. His response? “Is this business or personal?” I may or may not have looked at him like he was crazy.

In all honesty there’s not much I’ll miss about that place. A few people, but the ones I really like I can stay in touch with. I won’t miss the Amway-like structure, the politics that exceed those of any corporation I’ve ever worked for, the suggestions of random people on how to run my business. I won’t miss the strict time schedule or the question “Do you have any cupcakes today?” when I hadn’t brought cupcakes to give away in over a year.

I will miss my JC Starbucks.  My baristas who were just down the street when I needed a break from the bullshit.  I’ll miss seeing them three times a day.  I won’t miss Creepy Shoe Guy there, though.

Hey!  When I start on Monday I can totally reinvent myself. Nobody knows anything about me, so I can make up whatever I want. Maybe I’ll do just that.

I’m excited to close this chapter and open the next. I’m happy to say goodbye.