lonely

The declaration was made yesterday. Out loud. To The Therapist.
I am lonely.
And while I know that hanging out with Mr. D is indicative of bad choices, as I told Alex today it’s so much better to have someone to hang out with and talk to than nobody. I do understand what Allison said at lunch [...]

closure

I didn’t expect Alex to suggest a final conversation with The AA to really make sure things were over. Ok, so that’s a lie. I totally expected him to suggest it, but I never expected to have it. But I did. Only because I delivered some rather nasty punches with words [...]

dissed

On xmas eve I hung with an old friend from the past. We hadn’t seen each other in 2 years, but we talk regularly. The first thing he said when he came into my apartment: “Wow, you’ve filled out! I love it!”
“Ummm…what?”
“You look great! I was hoping you weren’t as [...]

back to the beginning

On xmas eve I met Mr. D for drinks after work. He wanted to hear the story of the cruise and I love to talk to him, so it was a no-brainer. It was nice, as usual, but by 430 pm when we left I was sufficiently tipsy. I wanted him to come home with [...]

couldn’t fake it

Ok, I promise I’ll be done with the cruise stories soon.
But how about a picture…I couldn’t even fake a smile, as you will see. And if you know me at all you know that I’m a pretty fuckin smiley kinda girl. Not last weekend. This was taken on my bday.

more random cruise funnies/horrors

“What’s that pill you’re taking?” The AA asked me and I ignored him. He continued talking because that’s what he does. “I mean we didn’t even have sex last night. I could understand if we did.”
I gave him an ultra puzzled look. “Wait. Do you think this is the morning after pill?”
“Yeah.”
“Ummm no. I’d never [...]

selfish at sea

I’m not sure we’ll ever speak again after this. And I hate to say it, but right now never would be too soon. Sure, I’m saying it now because I’m pissed the fuck off. And now I have a totally new life agenda. It involves not dating. It involves throwing myself into my business. It [...]

!?@*+!?!*#

“What is that game Lauren was playing?”
“Huh? What are you talking about?”
“She was talking last night about some game she was playing in the casino. What was it?”
“The slots?” I asked.
“I don’t think so. What was it?”
“Slots?” I asked again.
“It was the one with the quarters that…”
“Slots?” I asked yet again.
“No, the one where the [...]

the good, the bad, the sunburn

The Good: I’ll be tan in a couple days
The Bad: Right now the tan is hiding underneath a painful burn
The Good: I wore my bikini in public and didn’t care
The Bad: I had to fight to be able to spend an afternoon lying in the sun instead of playing Name That Tune or listening to [...]

coming home

My trip home was crazy. And not interesting-write-about-it crazy. Rather stupid crazy. Like for once I had such an awesome trip home, but coming back was filled with ridiculousness.
First, my flight was delayed like 2 hours. Of course they didn’t tell us it would be, so Pastor Mom, Papa Lottery and I rushed through lunch [...]

the fuck up

It started with a text, shortly after posting that blog about him. It ended with me waking up this morning in a panic, sans pants. And when I got up to pee I saw him lying there asleep in my sea of white comforters. “Oh shit.” I actually said it out loud, then walked to [...]

welcome to regret

it’s gonna take me a minute to get this together. But I done fucked up, yo. Like for real, for real. Yup, THAT. You already know. But it’s worse than that, eh. It’s dirty. And shameful.
But I’m gonna try…..

nosy ass bitches

“Hey Barista! How are you?” I turned around expecting to see the woman whose cupcake order was sitting on the table by my desk, but instead it was another woman who works in that same department.
“I’m great. How are you?”
“Good. Hey, I’m looking for some boxes for some pies I make. [...]

over it?

“Sounds like you are over the boy,” Will told me this morning.
Am I over the boy? Hmmm…
I’m feeling a bit disconnected. Not over it, per se, but not excited. Not sure anymore. Not really as interested as I was.
You know when you get to that point when little things start to [...]

i’m sweatin him

ON him might be more accurate, though.
When he came down to visit, and thank me 100 more times, this afternoon I got a hot flash to end all hot flashes. I was sweating. Minutes before I was not sweating. Seconds after he left I was not sweating. While he [...]

gratefulness

Doesn’t it seem like I spend a lot of time worrying about how I’m doing with this sweet boy? And then doesn’t it seem like just as soon as I freak I get a moment returned to me that has me giggling like a school girl? Yeah, new pattern I see.
Good reminder to [...]

ga-ga

It was Tuesday night, software tutorial night, and I was rounding up the pups for crate time so we could eat without all the begging that was sure to take place if they were out. “Seeing how great you are with your pups I can only imagine how wonderful you will be as a [...]

do it my way

I’m a spoiled brat. I mean I’m cool as long as you don’t tell me “no”. Or ignore me. I can do it to you all day long, but for you to do it to me? Ummm no. Not cool.
So The African Accountant is apparently trying to give me a [...]

scared to really say or feel it

This post by Babs is what first inspired this post. Second inspiration – therapy. Jesiiiis knows I need it!  And that’s why I keep going. I love it, I need it, I learn and grow from it.
So, sure – I’ve thought a time or 2 that my weight has something to do with my singleness. [...]

forget it

Things went all kinds of bad with Turk last night. 
I was tired after a super long day yesterday, but I was looking forward to seeing him all day long.  I hadn’t heard from him, but I was ok with it because I was feeling pretty darn secure with the situation.  I didn’t think there was [...]