panic

I didn’t want to admit this, but I have to get it out.
I’m scared shitless right now. I know things are going well. I know he’s the real deal. But the stakes have been upped and now I worry for my heart.
And I worry for silly reasons.
Then I get scared and sometimes [...]

scared to really say or feel it

This post by Babs is what first inspired this post. Second inspiration – therapy. Jesiiiis knows I need it!  And that’s why I keep going. I love it, I need it, I learn and grow from it.
So, sure – I’ve thought a time or 2 that my weight has something to do with my singleness. [...]

move

The last softball game of the season is tonight. Booooo! I’m going to miss playing. It has been so much fun, even though we suck ass. Now I need to find the next physical activity to do after work, besides running, of course.
I took Matty to the park to run with me last night. It [...]

starting new

I was nearly moved to tears as I walked around the big, empty apartment. Not just because it was cuter than I remembered (like most men in my life), but also because this symbolizes a new beginning for me…in a rather big way.
It was a little over two years ago when the shit hit the [...]

get it together

I think everyone who knows me knows how much I trust Ex-Husband.  I know to never go to him when I need a little coddling (girls are wayyy better for this) and that he’ll never, ever, ever tell me what I want to hear – only the reality of the situation.  But when I need [...]

i think his name is Riesling

I poured a glass of wine and sat down to read some blogs to distract myself.  Truth is, I can’t help but think about what will happen when Mr. Delicious comes home, but I’m sooo not supposed to be thinking about that.  I’ve already made the pact with myself that I won’t contact him first [...]

down the lanes

I spent the day today with Bart. I needed to do some laundry, and I think he was feeling guilty about cancelling on me yesterday so when I talked to him this morning as I was doing the patio thing again and he asked me to come over to do my laundry then go to [...]

stepping out

One of my old hook-ups, Adonis, contacted me recently, so we’ve been chatting. It’s been over a year since an actual hook-up took place with him, but I have fond memories of that time…for many reasons. For one, we had some great sex. And I remember how much I loved that I could smoke a [...]

psychic or…

…just finally recognizing game?  I was so thrilled today to see why I was having a weird feeling about the MHITG situation…HE’S MARRIED. Yeah. So, knock that one off my list. I was so disgusted when I got his email, but glad he’d honestly answered my question. And I let the emailing drop then. I [...]

intuition

Ex-Husband and I talked at length about the lunch I’m supposed to have tomorrow with My HOT IT Guy. Truth is, I don’t actually believe it’s going to happen. I don’t know why – call it intuition, but I just don’t buy that it will actually take place. Maybe because of all the times I [...]

party hats and hoooolihoops

After writing everything I did early yesterday morning about the situation with Jen, and then the way the rest of my day went, I realize now that part of the thing I must’ve needed in the situation was to release all of that built up hurt in writing. I needed to finally release those tears [...]

twilight zone

Is this for-fucking-real?  I feel like my life is an episode of punk’d.  And not one of those episodes where you laugh your ass off and think Ashton is brilliant, but rather one where you sit back and watch the train wreck, but compose that letter beginning Dear Mr. Kutcher, in your head begging him [...]

i hate my life

Or so it seems, anyway.
Tonight it became completely clear to me that what I need is a job. Before it was 99.9% about the money; now it is more about the stability, structure and something worthwhile to fill my empty space/time. Yeah, I still need the money, but after this weekend, and then today, it [...]

my gut doesn’t fail me

After a particularly grueling weekend filled with panic attacks left and right I was ready for today – brunch with my dear friend Becky. I needed her counseling on the things I’ve been going through, and knew she’d be able to offer me some good advice and insight. And she delivered. I made it through [...]

you just let a high guy throw away your memory box

Bart invited me over today with the main purpose of helping him with his taxes. I’ve always loved taxes – not paying them, but everything else to do with them. Mostly this is because there is always something new and always something to analyze or interpret. And they’re quite an easy thing for me, seem [...]