rememberies

As I drove past PF Changs I tried not to look, and tried even harder to not let it stir up memories. But it did. Inevitably. It was where I used to go with The Ruiner, and I don’t think I’ve been back since our last dinner there.
I hate that little things like this bring [...]

the re-stab

I never sign in to myspace. Never. I have no reason to. I don’t use it, I have no reason to. But this morning I happened to randomly click on the link, and regretted it shortly after. I saw that I had a new alert and fully expected to see a friend request from some [...]

twilight zone

Is this for-fucking-real?  I feel like my life is an episode of punk’d.  And not one of those episodes where you laugh your ass off and think Ashton is brilliant, but rather one where you sit back and watch the train wreck, but compose that letter beginning Dear Mr. Kutcher, in your head begging him [...]

numb

I drank a big glass of wine from one of the wine glasses Will gave me for my birthday before talking to Cutie McBarista, and another while talking to him. I smoked 2 cigarettes during our phone conversation. And after telling him why I was so upset, and getting the opposite reaction from the one [...]

and my heart has been broken again

This time, however, it wasn’t by a boy.  I wish it had been a boy as I sit here trying to compose my thoughts and figure out how I feel.  I’ve gone through a huge range of emotions in the past 3 hours since hearing it, and now this glass of wine just may help [...]

you just let a high guy throw away your memory box

Bart invited me over today with the main purpose of helping him with his taxes. I’ve always loved taxes – not paying them, but everything else to do with them. Mostly this is because there is always something new and always something to analyze or interpret. And they’re quite an easy thing for me, seem [...]

what in the world

After The Ruiner and I first broke up 2 years ago I met a great guy, Vince.  We hit it off immediately, and started dating pretty much immediately. This was about one week after The Ruiner broke my heart, and while I never thought of Vince as a rebound he totally was. He was sweet, [...]

healing the broken heart

This morning I wanted to post about My Ruiner. I have been reluctant to acknowledge his recent reappearances in my life, but the truth is it’s driving me crazy. I hate the fact that I’ve been able to successfully not think about him for a good 3 months and then he just starts showing up. [...]

rolling

I lied there in his big black arms, smelling his clean all around me and enjoying it. It was a low-key kinda night and it felt good just lying there with him. I liked the softness of his skin, and really I just like being adored for the most part. My bad. Well I like [...]

going home

I’m sitting in the airport, after being stopped in security to have my bag searched, waiting for my flight home. I miss my pup and can’t wait to get home to him. I miss my daily cappuccino – made properly – and I miss my bed. I don’t know what I was thinking when I [...]

what could you possibly want from me now

Three months ago I made the decision that The Ruiner could no longer be a part of my life. We’d broken up in January of 2007, and it kicked off what I now see as a series of the worst decisions I’ve made in my adult life. I was crushed, shattered even, and until September [...]

missing 21

So yeah, I broke down and told him that I miss him, too. Via text, no less. And I do. It’s not just that I know it’s what he wants to hear, but also what I want to say. Because even though he’s a baby and we’re dealing with all sorts of silly early-20’s bullshit [...]