lonely

The declaration was made yesterday. Out loud. To The Therapist.
I am lonely.
And while I know that hanging out with Mr. D is indicative of bad choices, as I told Alex today it’s so much better to have someone to hang out with and talk to than nobody. I do understand what Allison said at lunch [...]

back to the beginning

On xmas eve I met Mr. D for drinks after work. He wanted to hear the story of the cruise and I love to talk to him, so it was a no-brainer. It was nice, as usual, but by 430 pm when we left I was sufficiently tipsy. I wanted him to come home with [...]

coming home

My trip home was crazy. And not interesting-write-about-it crazy. Rather stupid crazy. Like for once I had such an awesome trip home, but coming back was filled with ridiculousness.
First, my flight was delayed like 2 hours. Of course they didn’t tell us it would be, so Pastor Mom, Papa Lottery and I rushed through lunch [...]

the fuck up

It started with a text, shortly after posting that blog about him. It ended with me waking up this morning in a panic, sans pants. And when I got up to pee I saw him lying there asleep in my sea of white comforters. “Oh shit.” I actually said it out loud, then walked to [...]

welcome to regret

it’s gonna take me a minute to get this together. But I done fucked up, yo. Like for real, for real. Yup, THAT. You already know. But it’s worse than that, eh. It’s dirty. And shameful.
But I’m gonna try…..

scared to really say or feel it

This post by Babs is what first inspired this post. Second inspiration – therapy. Jesiiiis knows I need it!  And that’s why I keep going. I love it, I need it, I learn and grow from it.
So, sure – I’ve thought a time or 2 that my weight has something to do with my singleness. [...]

puppy love

“Don’t touch me!” I jumped as his fingers lightly brushed over my cheek and he jerked his hand back, chuckling at me.
“What’s wrong, Barista?”
“You can’t touch me. It’s been too long.” I sat on the edge of the couch and looked back at him. He looked so adorable and I felt that familiar tingling in [...]

rambling

I went to my neighborhood bar to have drinks last night, and for the first time going by myself I actually had to pay my own tab.  Boo to that one!  I looked so damn cute yesterday that I just couldn’t justify going home and doing nothing, but the place was pretty much empty.  Ick.  [...]

aren’t you done yet?

because…ummm…I am?
Mr. D just sent me a text.
Mr. D – Hey barista
My head - Do not respond, you silly, silly clueless girl!  Make him wait.  He sucks.  We hate him.
My heart – respond, Baristaaaaa….you knowww you wannnnnnaaaaa.  You know you miss that goooood diiiick.
Me - Hi mr. d
*poured another glass of wine, smoked a cigarette on the [...]

stepping out

After hearing from The Therapist yesterday that in order to really achieve some personal growth I just haaaaave to have a conversation with Mr. D, I just had to have that glass of wine in last night’s post.  A closure conversation.  Without wine.  The Therapist’s interpretation of the situation was that I was sending mixed [...]

plans

I’m all about making plans these days. And in case you haven’t caught on yet I’m also all about breaking them. We have the plan to stop drinking so much wine. The plan to quit smoking. The plan organize my closet. The plan to get that stupid desk out of my car. The plan to [...]

the fool

I did something realllllly stupid last night. Like I never want to drink wine again stupid. Like kick my own ass stupid.
I was trying to take a nap when Valerie called. After telling her about the drama when I was at home I filled her in on the new development with Mr. D. She’d told [...]

repeated mistakes

I can’t lie and say I was excited about my second date with Brad.  Yeah, I had a great time Wednesday night when we had drinks and dinner at Goldfish.  Yeah, at that point a second date seemed like a grand idea.  And then Barista neuroticism took over.
First problem – when we decided on Saturday [...]

one last night

Nobody really thought I’d be able to avoid seeing Mr. Delicious one more time, right?  I, after all, had been quite smitten.  And I love to be miserable and rub my own nose in the umm…mess.  Right.
And if there was any hope in my heart that it wouldn’t be the last night I managed to [...]

fake it till ya make it

I’m trying to pretend like I’m ok with this being done. Truth is, I’m sad as fuck today. Like I just want to crawl in a hole and cry. Not because we aren’t going to be in love, not because we won’t be making pretty babies…or doing that awesome thing we do that ultimately is [...]

living to be tan

Allison spent the weekend with me, which was fun.  We shopped Saturday afternoon and I bought a bunch of baking crap, then went for Mexican last night.  I hate to shop; I love Mexican food.  It was fun having a girly day.
She slept till noon Sunday, so when she got up I was ready to [...]

to be adored

My singles horoscope from Saturday:
There are still a lot of details left uncovered, so don’t think that that person is out of your life yet. They could pop up any day now — give it a few days before closing that chapter of your romantic history.
Hmmm….see, Allison has me convinced I should be done with [...]

lush

I drank a ton last night while waiting for my Italian sausage ziti to finish cooking. And then I ate bread. And then I wanted to d-i-e. I felt so sick. And so horribly drunk. Like baaaaad. I think it was mostly the speed with which I drank the white wine, not the quantity. And [...]

deuces?

A peep hasn’t been heard from Mr. Delicious since Monday night’s text that left me feeling slightly annoyed. I haven’t said anything, he hasn’t said anything. And so there is silence. This is a huge disappointment to me.
Yeah, it’s only Thursday. But since we started “dating” (term used loosely here) 7 weeks ago this is [...]

curve balls

Things were thrown off in my head a little yesterday when I took a cupcake to my #1 fan. The admin in my department is this older, very eccentric, fun lady I’ve loved since the day I started at this company. Our energies just seemed to mesh well from the moment we met. And she [...]