quick and dirty

My beach trip to Charleston with Will this weekend was cancelled. Very sad.
Allison asked me today to go on a cruise with her in June and I responded “this June?” thinking we were still in May and I’d have less than a month to save. No, I don’t smoke the p-o-t anymore. Apparently I’m just [...]

jumping off a ledge

I have 2 blogs. It started with the other one, and when I found myself censoring things I’d say because The Ruiner was reading, or some other people I knew, I started this one. And Will was the only one who knew about this one at first. Generally I’d post the same thing in both, [...]

done?

Today I ate my lunch at my desk, something I’ve been doing all week to avoid the $40 I’d been spending eating at Chipotle every single day, then spent my 1 hour lunch break sitting on the patio of my new TheBux. I love this one. The patio is nice, there’s a pretty steady group [...]

party hats and hoooolihoops

After writing everything I did early yesterday morning about the situation with Jen, and then the way the rest of my day went, I realize now that part of the thing I must’ve needed in the situation was to release all of that built up hurt in writing. I needed to finally release those tears [...]

the re-stab

I never sign in to myspace. Never. I have no reason to. I don’t use it, I have no reason to. But this morning I happened to randomly click on the link, and regretted it shortly after. I saw that I had a new alert and fully expected to see a friend request from some [...]

twilight zone

Is this for-fucking-real?  I feel like my life is an episode of punk’d.  And not one of those episodes where you laugh your ass off and think Ashton is brilliant, but rather one where you sit back and watch the train wreck, but compose that letter beginning Dear Mr. Kutcher, in your head begging him [...]

numb

I drank a big glass of wine from one of the wine glasses Will gave me for my birthday before talking to Cutie McBarista, and another while talking to him. I smoked 2 cigarettes during our phone conversation. And after telling him why I was so upset, and getting the opposite reaction from the one [...]

my gut doesn’t fail me

After a particularly grueling weekend filled with panic attacks left and right I was ready for today – brunch with my dear friend Becky. I needed her counseling on the things I’ve been going through, and knew she’d be able to offer me some good advice and insight. And she delivered. I made it through [...]

you just let a high guy throw away your memory box

Bart invited me over today with the main purpose of helping him with his taxes. I’ve always loved taxes – not paying them, but everything else to do with them. Mostly this is because there is always something new and always something to analyze or interpret. And they’re quite an easy thing for me, seem [...]

finito

The 21 chapter has finally come to a close, and I couldn’t be more relieved. I’d barely spoken to him this week, but the last time we’d talked was when he’d asked me to hang out and I told him I was having dinner with Cutie McBarista that night we were planning to hook up [...]

what in the world

After The Ruiner and I first broke up 2 years ago I met a great guy, Vince.  We hit it off immediately, and started dating pretty much immediately. This was about one week after The Ruiner broke my heart, and while I never thought of Vince as a rebound he totally was. He was sweet, [...]

evaluating

The objective for today is figuring out if the new guy I was dating, Jason, is trying to give me a taste of my own medicine or if it’s a classic case of “he’s just not that into you”. On the latter, Jason and I actually talked about this book on our first date when [...]

the saboteur

The plans for the week haven’t gone as…ummm…planned, I’d say, and the reasons are different for each situation. On the agenda was a) breaking up with the gay not-boyfriend…in person, with a discussion and for the final time; b) sex with my friend Cutie McBarista after a few drinks to be used to loosen me [...]

when it rains…

You know how the rest goes…  And it’s true. Things have been dry for months and months, gay not-boyfriend doesn’t count, and now suddenly out of nowhere the boys can’t get enough of this. “This” being me, of course.
 
After date 2 last night with the man who will now need a name it’s quite clear [...]

sowing oats or something

Girls night started didn’t quite end up as it was supposed to last night. First, everyone was bailing.  Then we decided that instead of actually going out-out we’d just go to the neighborhood bar we frequent because of the ease and proximity to our location at that moment. I was slightly happy about this because [...]

the perfect set-up

After much discussion, and laughter, with Jen last night I’ve figured out that this situation with 21 is pretty much perfect. His gayness doesn’t bother me in the slightest, and I don’t plan to help him figure it out any time soon. Instead, I’m going to enjoy my perfect little set-up…dinners out with a good [...]

healing the broken heart

This morning I wanted to post about My Ruiner. I have been reluctant to acknowledge his recent reappearances in my life, but the truth is it’s driving me crazy. I hate the fact that I’ve been able to successfully not think about him for a good 3 months and then he just starts showing up. [...]

rolling

I lied there in his big black arms, smelling his clean all around me and enjoying it. It was a low-key kinda night and it felt good just lying there with him. I liked the softness of his skin, and really I just like being adored for the most part. My bad. Well I like [...]

crushes part I

He sat at the table directly in my line of sight, working on his mac laptop, glancing up to look me in the eye every few minutes. He’s close enough to know when I’m looking at him and he seems to time it perfectly to catch my gaze. And he smiles. He’s cute – very [...]

why i hate the mall

I’ve always hated going to the mall, but today I had a mission – the dress for my bday party this weekend.  Or dinner, rather.  I wasn’t locked-in to a dress, per se, but i was hoping to find a cute pink one.  But it meant going to the mall, and I was very much [...]