lonely

The declaration was made yesterday. Out loud. To The Therapist.
I am lonely.
And while I know that hanging out with Mr. D is indicative of bad choices, as I told Alex today it’s so much better to have someone to hang out with and talk to than nobody. I do understand what Allison said at lunch [...]

give.me.candy.

I’m sorry, but I don’t really give 2 shits about Halloween.
And for the first time in my life I didn’t even buy any Halloween candy this year. Oh wait, I did buy that bag of candy corn to use for cupcakes. And I did eat at least 6 pieces of it. Big [...]

houston we have a problem

Deep conversations shouldn’t really take place at the counter of the Starbucks with your favorite barista before 9am for all to hear. Now that I’ve said that…
So this morning I had a deep conversation at the counter of Starbucks with my favorite barista before 9am and loud enough that all could hear.
“Hey chica! [...]

scared to really say or feel it

This post by Babs is what first inspired this post. Second inspiration – therapy. Jesiiiis knows I need it!  And that’s why I keep going. I love it, I need it, I learn and grow from it.
So, sure – I’ve thought a time or 2 that my weight has something to do with my singleness. [...]

talking is ok

I had no intention of discussing what I wrote yesterday with Mr. D, but after a little liquid courage over some fish tacos and wings it all just came out. Like open mouth, spill guts type.
I didn’t even want to see him like I usually do. I felt disconnected in a way, but had already [...]

move

The last softball game of the season is tonight. Booooo! I’m going to miss playing. It has been so much fun, even though we suck ass. Now I need to find the next physical activity to do after work, besides running, of course.
I took Matty to the park to run with me last night. It [...]

words of wisdom

So I went to see The Therapist today, which is something I generally enjoy. Today was a bit of a battle, however. I felt like he wasn’t hearing what I was saying completely, but rather filtering everything through who I was before. And while some of the old patterns are there, I’ve grown a lot!  [...]

crushing…hard

“You better not suck and mess up my softball game.” I recognized the voice before even turning around, so I turned on the charm when I really wanted to tell him to go away.
“And what would give you the crazy idea that I suck?” I asked him, turning around in my chair and crossing [...]

down the lanes

I spent the day today with Bart. I needed to do some laundry, and I think he was feeling guilty about cancelling on me yesterday so when I talked to him this morning as I was doing the patio thing again and he asked me to come over to do my laundry then go to [...]

isolation

I remember when Jen and I broke up (haha) I felt so alone, so lonely. I missed her, I missed my Starbucks patio. I cried a little, hid in my basement apartment in sadness, venturing out only occasionally to visit one of the crappy Starbucks by me. But then the sadness subsided some. I began [...]

anixety galore

Maybe I should assign levels to the anxiety like the US Government does with terrorism. If I did that today would be RED. Why?  Fuck if I know!  That’s the kicker. I can’t figure it out, but I’ve felt like complete and utter shit for the past 3 days and I cannot make it go [...]