At the highest weight I know of I was 306 pounds. That was a week before I went under the knife and had my stomach reduced with the help of the most amazing surgeon in the world, Dr. Michael Williams in Atlanta.
The decision to have RNY Gastric Bypass surgery was a tough one for me. It felt like a cop-out. Why couldn’t I just diet and exercise like so many others who had managed to lose weight? But when I hit over the 300 mark I decided enough was enough. The scariest part of the decision was knowing I couldn’t get pregnant for 18 months after surgery, but looking back on that I laugh now.
While it was hard, I eventually decided it was what I needed to do to save my life. I had been overweight since I was a young child, and had endured so much hatred from people because of it that it made me scared of the world. My family and friends were very supportive. My blog followers were very supportive. And so in March 2006 my mommy came down and I did it. It was the #1 best decision I’ve ever made in my life and I have never once regretted it.
I had no complications. The biggest difficulty was getting over still seeing myself as 300 pounds when I was down to 165. I’d still move wayyy out of the way for people to pass me in the hall, I still saw the fat girl in the mirror. But through therapy – and most of all a year working at Starbucks to combat my social anxiety – I’ve gotten to the point where much of the fat girl is out of my body and my head. I say much, because I don’t think it will ever be ALL gone.
In 2009 I discovered that I could gain weight again if I wasn’t careful. If I didn’t move, mostly. I gained 20 pounds after going back to Corporate America…20 pounds I still have to get rid of. So while the tool helped, it is still about my own decisions, my choice to exercise or sit on my ass, my choice to eat a bagel or oatmeal for breakfast.
I can’t believe it’s been almost 4 years and that I actually was THAT big, THAT sad, THAT defeated by life. I’m thankful every single day for what I accomplished and have never once since then thought of it as a cop out. I saved my life.
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